Bullying and Your
Teenager
Studies show that 1 out of 3 students
in grade 6 through 10 are the victim of bullying at school.
What is bullying
exactly?
Bullying is difficult to define, because in today's society it extends
much further beyond someone taking your child's lunch money or pushing him
or her around on the playground, and the effects of this type of behavior
go much deeper than a black eye. Teasing, taunting, ethnic slurs and sexual
harassment are all forms of bullying. Bullying behavior is generally repetitive
hostility and aggression directed toward a victim who is physically or mentally
weaker than the bully. This can come in various forms:
-
Physical bullying --
This is perhaps the most obvious form of intimidation. It can be anything
from intentionally bumping into another child in the hall to hitting or
threatening with a weapon.
-
Verbal bullying -- This
can include name-calling, spreading rumors and persistent teasing. Girls
typically bully and are bullied this way.
-
Emotional
intimidation -- A bully may deliberately exclude a
child from a group activity like a class party. The bully may also make other
kids turn against a child by not letting that child play with them. Emotional
intimidation is closely connected to physical and verbal bullying.
-
Racist bullying -- Racial
slurs, spray painting graffiti, mocking the victim's cultural traditions
and making offensive gestures are all examples of racist bullying.
-
Sexual bullying -- This
form or bullying is characterized by unwanted physical contact or abusive
comments.
Why are some children
bullies?
Just like their victims, bullies often have low self-esteem. They pick
on kids who are weaker than they are to feel more important or powerful.
This behavior is a way of dealing with their own problems, like a difficult
situation at home. Some bullies have been victims of abuse themselves.
How can I tell if my child is a victim
of bullying?
Ideally, a child will tell an authority figure if he or she is in danger,
but some children may be embarrassed or feel weak by admitting to being the
victim of a bully. Also, the effects of bullying aren't always as obvious
as a black eye.
Some signs to look for include:
-
Avoiding school -- A
child may suddenly invent mysterious illnesses or stomachaches to avoid going
to school.
-
Changing behavior --
A child may react to being bullied in a number of ways. Some children become
withdrawn or moody, while others become overly aggressive or
violent.
-
Showing pain -- Bruises
and scratches may be a sign a child has been bullied, but these can be common
in active youngsters. Parents and caregivers should pay close attention to
a pattern of bruises that the child can't explain.
-
Losing possessions --
If a child starts mysteriously misplacing his or her favorite toys, he or
she could be the victim of a bullying. Bullies will sometimes intimidate
their victims into handing over their belongings.
My child is being bullied at school.
What can I do to help?
First of all, do not overreact. It's understandable to be upset, but
try not to let your child see that, because he or she might interpret it
as you being upset with him or her. Listen to and assure your child that
he or she did the right thing by telling you about the incident.
Next, talk to your child about how to handle future confrontations with
the bully. Tell him or her that getting angry won't solve the problem because
it gives the bully exactly what he or she wants. Walking away and ignoring
the bully will give the message that the child doesn't care, and sooner or
later he or she will find someone else to bother. If the bully is physically
harming your child, he or she should inform a teacher or find a group of
friends to provide comfort and support.
If the situation seems serious, you should work with the school to establish
a plan to protect your child from future bullying incidents. You should not
confront the parents of the child who bullies. Finally, encourage your child
to continue talking with you about all bullying incidents.
For more, see:
Handling School
Bullies (askacop)
How can I prevent my child from being
bullied?
Bullies often target socially awkward children, so you should encourage
your child to develop more friendships. Suggest your child join social
organizations, clubs or teams. Being in a group can sometimes keep a child
from being victimized. Keeping money or expensive toys at home can help your
child avoid becoming a target, because bullies often want things that other
kids have and will use force to take them. You can also work with your child's
school to establish bullying prevention programs and policies.
What can I do to help if my child is a
bully?
If you learn that your child is a bully, try to stay calm. Have your
child tell you exactly what he or she has been doing. Ask why he or she bullies
and what might help him or her to stop. Bullying often stems from unhappiness
or insecurity, so try to find out if something is wrong. Also, try to control
your aggression and the behavior of your other children.
If an older brother or sister behaves aggressively inside the home,
it's likely to damage the other child's self-esteem and make him or her more
likely to do the same thing. Help your child to find nonviolent ways of reacting
to certain situations and always praise him or her for good behavior. You
might also find it helpful to talk to a professional who can help your child
change his or her behavior.
Boys and Girls National
Hotline -
Call With any Problem, Anytime
1-800-448-3000 (TDD 1-800-448-1833)
Open 24 hours a day, everyday
ASKACOP.org